To your health! Or at least to your immediate happiness: Beer

First the experts say a drink or two a day can reduce the chance of stroke, osteoporosis, type 2 diabetes and heart and vascular disease, then they turn around and announce that alcohol -- any alcohol -- increases the risk of mouth, throat, liver, breast and colon cancer.

Meanwhile, words such as "polyphenols" and "phytoestrogens" get bandied about like quarters at a frat party. To make heads or tails of all this data, I consulted my trusted medical adviser: the World Wide Web.

On one site, the text argued that low to moderate beer consumption protected against any number of ailments, conditions and diseases while on the same screen an advertisement flashed for the "Chuggler," a 30-ounce plastic mug with a funnel ($14.95 at www.chuggler.com, 39 cents if made at home).

I don't know about you, but my mother told me to avoid medical sources that feature images of five or six scantily clad coeds with Chugglers in their hands.

So I moved on to a site devoted to all things "Beer & Health" (www.beer-and-health.com). After checking out topics like "alcohol and cancer" and "Brewing beer to an 18th century recipe" -- which can certainly turn into a health issue if 18th century sanitation practices are used -- I came upon this powerful nugget of wisdom under "beer and body weight":

"Excessive consumption of soft drinks and fruit juice is an important cause of being overweight, especially in children. Traditional table beers are a good alternative, which are not only low in alcohol but also low in calories and do not interfere with metabolism."

Um, let me think. Do they mean to suggest we should give our children traditional table beers instead of juice, milk or water? I'm no prude, but there's no way I'm giving up my scant beer supply to kids who spend a good deal of time trying to get each other to spray chocolate milk out their noses.

Talk about a loss of credibility. So I immediately closed the site and continued my search until I landed at Brewers of Europe (www.brewersofeurope.org), who apparently care enough about beer and health to hold a symposium.

During the fourth annual European Beer and Health Symposium in Brussels in May 2006, doctors and professors from Spain, the Netherlands, France, Germany, etc., talked about how the moderate consumption of beer strengthened the immune system and reduced the risk of dementia and Alzheimer's, how hop compounds might help prevent cancer, how the natural silicon in beer might promote bone mineral density.

Who am I to argue with a guy from Cambridge who once wrote an article for Osteoporosis International titled, "Moderate Ingestion of Alcohol is Associated With Acute Ethanol-induced Suppression of Circulating CTx in a PTH-independent Fashion"?

That question mark is mine because even after all the reading and scrolling, I still find myself bent over a keyboard with an empty bottle on the floor and parched lips that want more.

I can't say how that beer in the fridge is going to help or hinder me 10 years from now, but it sure hits the spot.

Just don't make me laugh.

Beer news you can use

In my previous column, I announced the local winners from the Great American Beer Festival in Denver. Remember, these brews won medals in a judged event that featured 2,793 entries in 75 beer styles for a total of 222 medals.

All good things run out --some very soon -- so grab your pints and bottles now.

Midnight Sun Brewing Co. has only a few cases of its gold-medal-winning Imperial Chocolate Pumpkin Porter left, but it still has a good supply on draft. You can find bottles at some Brown Jug stores and La Bodega, but try the brewery (7329 Arctic Blvd., www.midnightsunbrewery. com) when stores run out.

The Moose's Tooth Pub and Pizzeria (3300 Old Seward Highway, www.mooses tooth.net) will continue to pour its bronze-medal-winning Smokin' Willie Porter, but the Bear Tooth will serve it only now and then.

Finally, a heads-up for all the beer dinners cropping up around town. The latest at Kinley's Restaurant (3230 Seward Highway, www.kinleysrestaurant.com) includes four courses and a rather wicked assortment of beers from Midnight Sun, including Wrath Belgian-style Double IPA, CoHoHo Imperial IPA, Sloth Belgian-style Imperial Stout, Imperial Chocolate Pumpkin Porter and a new pilsner. The shindig happens at 6:30 p.m. Nov. 15. It costs $50 a head (644-8953).

?• Find Daily News reporter Dawnell Smith at adn.com/contactdsmith.