Make a direct hit on your honey's heart with a well-placed ale
Down the Hatch
Published: February 9, 2006
Last Modified: October 19, 2006 at 05:52 AM
This time of year, everyone pushes predictable Valentine gestures through flowers, chocolates and proclamations of eternal love, but Cupid would disdain such trivial pursuits. Cupid had much more trying tangles to unknot.
Cupid, known as Eros to the Greeks, fell hard for the purely human Psyche. But he couldn't face the wrath of his beguiling, jealous mother, Aphrodite, who seethed at Psyche's beauty. So Eros crafted a devious plan in which his beloved Psyche would sleep with him but never actually see him.
Clever.
It worked until Psyche got lonely and invited her friends over. Then everything unraveled into a senseless prime-time cable show with commingling gods, desperate housewives and the unfortunate appearance of the toga as fashion.
If you ask me, Cupid needs ale, not arrows.
Several years ago, a brewery in the U.K. made a seasonal beer called Cupid's Ale, but I haven't heard of nor seen it since. Maybe the brewer got lovesick and died. It happens.
Fortunately, many other beers capture the piercing, sensual depth of love and passion. Old Leghumper Robust Porter is not one of them. Do not buy this beer for your beloved; buy it for your friends at the singles party where one-liners and dark beer spill like blood. For that matter, stock up on Arrogant Bastard Ale too.
For those deep in love, the thought counts more than the expense. Gabe Fletcher of Midnight Sun Brewing Co. said his soulmate likes big, huge dark beers like his own Berserker Imperial Stout, so that's probably what they'll drink.
But "Epluche-Culotte is probably our best interpretation of a Valentine beer," he said.
"Epluche-Culotte" means "panty peeler" in English but sounds sexy in its own tongue. The Belgian trippel tastes powerful and lush and sells at a reasonable price, $5.75 at Yukon Spirits. The label befits the day, too, with an almost sweet rendering of a female form on a flying reindeer.
Yes, labels matter. For instance, though I love robust porter, Old Leghumper from the Thirsty Dog Brewing Co. turns me off. The label shows an old black Lab sitting amidst the bare legs of three scantily dressed women shown from the waist down. Everyone knows dogs could care less about gender or fashion.
So if you find the idea of plunking down a bar of Hershey's as soulless and crass, then don't drop a piggish beer in front of anyone either.
As far as Kevin Burton of Glacier Brewhouse is concerned, Valentine's Day means drinking "whatever kind of beer she wants. It could be champagne, a martini or an IPA. It isn't going to be up to me."
But if it is up to you, consider going with the chocolate/beer theme. At Yukon Spirits, Young's Double Chocolate Stout sells fast and furious, said owner, Jon Ashbrook, and the store stocks up on it ahead of time. Midnight Sun's Arctic Rhino Coffee Porter also has the chocolate texture for the heart's content.
Other options include Salvation from the Avery Brewing Co. of Boulder, Colo., and Ruination IPA from the Stone Brewery in San Marcos, San Diego. It's hard to say which should come first. Or where you will end up.
Fittingly, Stone also makes the Arrogant Bastard and Levitation ales, which both have a seat at the table of love.
If I could choose anything though, I'd go with the Scaldis Prestige Cuvee Speciale in the big, curvaceous bottle, but at $41.50 a pop, it's out of reach.
I guess those arrows come in handy, after all.
• Daily News reporter Dawnell Smith can be reached at dsmith@adn.com.
Drink up
Glacier Brewhouse is offering $5 off the price of 5 gallons of beer this month. Now you can get a slop bucket (or cleaned keg) of Brewhouse beer for $45. This deal applies to flagship beers, including the double IPA.
