Woman should dump jailbird and get on with life

Published: November 6th, 2009 12:46 AM
Last Modified: November 6th, 2009 04:32 AM

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Dear Wayne and Wanda,

I had a boyfriend for about four months who is in another state. We kept in touch as best we could but things got bad when he called me from the "can" last month and we've only talked once since he got there. I sent him e-mails, text messages, etc. He never once replied to them. Since we are no longer talking to each other, should I tell people that I'm single and looking for somebody?

To let you know, my "ex" gives me the impression of a being a controlling person. That's why I want to get out of it and he gave me the best choice when he fell out of touch. Is it wrong of me to say that I am single? Help!

-- Am I a Free Bird or Not?

Wanda says,

Your question is simple, but the background seems a bit complicated. So let me see if I can get this straight: You had a long-distance relationship with a controlling man for four months, during which, at some point, he wound up in jail. You spoke to him once after that, then communication ceased, and you're wondering if this guy is technically still your boyfriend. Correct?

I don't know a whole lot about being in the slammer (hallelujah), but I'm guessing inmates aren't allowed much access to e-mail and text messages. So it could be that he doesn't want to talk to you, or it could be that he is unable. I could probably make some phone calls and find out, but I don't really care. Because honestly? It doesn't matter. The guy is hardly a prize.

If your conscience nags you, send a Dear John letter. Then date whomever you please. Maybe a kind man without a criminal record who doesn't mind calling you? Just a thought.

Wayne says,

This relationship is "Dead Man Walking."

Just to let you in on a little secret Free Bird, you've been single for a while. Your boyfriend, if you can call him that, didn't seem all that committed to maintaining a healthy relationship with you before he was property of the state. In fact, it sounds like his only interest was controlling your life from a distance while leading his own. I bet it's that kind of mindset that landed him in the big house.

And now that he's locked up, he's incommunicado. Could be that he's in the hole. Could be that he's lost interest. But, agreeing with the always wise Wanda, it really doesn't matter -- he's out of your life and has cued your perfect escape opportunity. It's time to make a jailbreak -- run as hard as you can, and don't look back!

The only positive you could get out of maintaining this relationship is conjugal visits. And while thrilling and incredibly low-maintenance, the fun will end quickly when he's released and you're suddenly facing the reality of having this selfish, controlling criminal mind back in your day-to-day life. Do you really want or need that? If so, maybe you're the one who should be locked up for your own safety.

• Wanda is a wise person who has loved, lost and been to therapy. Wayne is a wise guy who has no use for therapy. Send them your questions and thoughts at wanda@adn.com.

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