Anchorage families reunite, from a distance, to celebrate Mother’s Day during the pandemic

The last time Suzie Phelps saw her mother was in March, when Kathy Renshaw celebrated her 80th birthday. Shortly after, their visits stopped as the threat of the COVID-19 pandemic heightened throughout the country.

But on Sunday, Phelps dropped off a bouquet of pink tulips and stood at the bottom of the Jewel Lake Assisted Living Home steps and chatted with her mother, who stood on the front porch.

Family members were dropping off flowers throughout the day for their mothers, said owner Grace Bonglo. Some families sat in their cars and waved from the window as they talked over the phone, while others talked from a distance outside. Although it was far from a normal Mother’s Day celebration, Bonglo said the reunions were touching.

“I think that’s very helpful, especially (for residents) with memory care, because when they don’t see their loved ones, it makes them restless,” she said. “But once they see or hear them, everything is kind of easier in life for everyone. We’re trying to work it out and it’s not that easy for the families, as well but we are blessed that they have been supportive.”

Renshaw has underlying health problems that would put her at high risk if she became ill with COVID-19, so Phelps said she and her siblings have been extremely cautious since the virus began spreading. On Sunday, Bonglo talked with Phelps about her health, made sure her temperature was normal and ensured she was wearing a mask before she walked toward the building.

When Renshaw saw her daughter, she wanted to hug her but Phelps knew that wouldn’t be possible.

“It’s emotional,” Phelps said. “It’s just been weird with these uncertain times. I think it’s hard on her, it’s hard on all of us.”

Renshaw has Alzheimer’s disease, so Phelps reminded her why they needed to wear the masks and filled her in on the new normal during the pandemic. They talked about the grandchildren and great-grandchildren and about how they’ll go for walks again to Jewel Lake Park, right down the street, when the pandemic finally ends.

This is the first Mother’s Day that Renshaw has lived in the assisted living home, Phelps said. Before the pandemic, Renshaw’s children and grandchildren tried to visit often. She’s grateful for videos that Bonglo has been sending of her mother and that she’s been able to talk with her over the phone frequently. She’s happy that Renshaw is someplace safe right now.

Bonglo said it’s been a challenge to find a balance for residents in her facility during the pandemic. She knows they still need to feel connected and see their loved ones, but the way they see one another has changed.

“You need to be able to create a life,” she said. “And how can you create a life if you don’t connect people? So we need to be able to do that so that everyone can be happy, because otherwise they’ll all be pacing and wondering and that’s not a good quality of life. With this pandemic, it’s been hard but we’re trying to be creative.”

Managing patients who have conditions with memory loss has also challenging, because they often don’t remember social distancing rules or may be confused about new changes. Bonglo said staff members try to keep people at appropriate distances and enforce health guidelines without it seeming like a disruptive change.

As she stood on the porch Sunday afternoon, Renshaw fussed with the flower-patterned mask her daughter had brought her. She didn’t like the feeling of having her mouth and nose covered and her glasses continued to fog up while she wore the mask.

“It’s hard to get used to these,” Phelps told her.

And it was even harder to leave without a hug.

“I love you and I’ll be back soon," she reassured her.

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