My boyfriend’s always traveling and taking out clients for work — how do I know he’s not cheating?

Dear Wayne and Wanda,

I've been with my boyfriend for about a year, and the last six months have been rough. He got a promotion this past spring and now has to travel Outside frequently for work — like, every other week practically, he is on a plane and heading south to Seattle or Portland or San Francisco. Most of the trips are up to a week long. He stays in awesome hotels, and a big part of his job is wining and dining customers, so he's often busy late into the night, taking them to nice dinners or out for drinks.

As far as I know, he is faithful. But I do know he's been unfaithful in at least one past relationship, and I've been cheated on too, so I am really having a hard time with him doing these trips. When it's late and I can't get ahold of him, I go crazy wondering who he is with and what he's doing. When I call and he answers from some loud bar or restaurant and I hear girls laughing in the background, it makes me completely nuts. I've tried to share that I'm having a hard time with this and he said I need to support his career.

I don't have the money or time to go with him on these trips and I don't see his schedule changing anytime soon. Personally, I don't see why he has to go out every darn night on these trips, and I want to ask him to consider that. Why can't he do his business during the day and stay at his hotel when he's done? Is that unreasonable?

Wanda says:

Let me get this straight: Your boyfriend spends half of your relationship in another city partying with strangers and it bothers you? Weird! Actually, not weird. Totally normal, really. I think even the most confident partner would feel a bit uneasy about this. Best-case scenario, you simply miss the guy. Add on potential resentment over the lavish life he's living, and mix in some jealousy brought on by his professional gallivanting with mysterious strangers, and yes, it makes total sense that you're grasping for some stabilizing solution.

Unfortunately, this is his career. It may sound crazy to a 9-to-5er that there's actual strategy behind those multicourse meals and boozy meetups, but there is. Many a business deal is made over martinis, or at least the foundational relationships are forged that will lead to later professional partnerings.

So like it or not, this is his job. He can't change it — and heck, why would he want to? It sounds like he has a sweet gig that he's well-suited for. Can you ask him to hit the hotel for gym time and Netflix when his last office-based meeting of the day wraps up? Sure. Will he acquiesce? Probably not. I think the bigger question for you to face is, knowing this is his career, and knowing he loves it, can you live with it? Would you be happier with a partner who comes home after work every day? Do you need a boyfriend who perhaps sails at a slightly slower speed?

Wayne says:

I agree with the always wise Wanda — right now, this is about your sanity, not your boyfriend's career. It's time to ask yourself if you can and want to be in a relationship with a wining-dining, frequent-flying business person. You're already mildly freaking out. Don't put yourself, your boyfriend and your relationship through any more stress by waiting this out. I know it's tough to consider ending a good relationship, but for you, moving on could make life a lot easier than living in isolation, concern and jealousy every time your boyfriend packs his bags or doesn't answer a text message.

Now, if you decide to stick it out with him, you also have to immediately get over and move on from all of the concerns of the potential perils of his lifestyle. You have to trust him 100 percent. You have to relieve yourself of worry 100 percent. And then you can move forward freely.

And moving forward, there are lots of unique opportunities for you guys to have some pretty cool bonding experiences to make up for the time apart. If he's traveling this much, he'll be stacking up some serious frequent flyer miles, as well as hotel/car bonuses and benefits. Every month or two, cash those in and meet him at the end of one of his trips and turn it into an extended weekend away together.

Maybe even arrive a day early so you can accompany him to one of those final-night-of-the-conference parties and get a real perspective on what's going on when he's working after-hours. You might be surprised to see that all of this boozing and schmoozing (and selling/not selling) can be stressful and exhausting. And maybe you'll also see that his return home to you and Alaska is his real happy place.

Want to respond to a recent column, point out a dating trend, or ask Wanda and Wayne for wisdom regarding your love life? Give them a shout at wanda@alaskadispatch.com.

[When the Tinder app stirs up trust issues]

[Dealing with jealousy when you're married to a Slope worker]