Advice

She checks out other guys, gets cranky and corrects my grammar. So should I break up with her?

Hi Wanda and Wayne,

I am a male who is dating a female and now that I am several months into the relationship, there are several reasons that I am questioning whether to continue this relationship or move on.

First of all, she constantly corrects my grammar or just challenges things I say. I have gotten to the point where I feel like I've been corrected enough times to be past my fill. When I am getting ready to speak to her or respond in conversation, I pause before I do to make sure I say something that won't get me corrected.

There have been a few occasions where she has taken a medication and blamed that for becoming distant. The most recent time we were on a trip and she was crabby with me, but when it came time for the group to hang out, she was totally fine. I feel like she was using the medication as an excuse for being short with me.

I've also noticed she looks at other men still. For example, at a restaurant recently, I saw her smiling at a man who was walking to a table right near ours. I thought to myself, why is she smiling at a single man when I'm right next to her, as her boyfriend? Am I paranoid, or is she really flirting right in front of me?

Bottom line, I have loads of feelings that things are just not right. How should I proceed?

Thank you for your help, in advance.

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Wanda says:

There must also be significant positives in this relationship for you to have invested four months and remain committed despite your concern. Is she fun? Smart? Sexy? Do you have shared interests? Is the intimacy awesome? For starters, as you take stock of the problems, also build a mental inventory of the reasons this woman works as your partner.

Then take a step back; look at the positives alongside the negatives. Is this badly imbalanced? Does this woman drive you crazy way more than she makes you feel crazy in love? Therein may lie your answer.

If it all seems worth trying to make things work, remember that this is early in the relationship, and it's fairly normal to encounter bumps as you learn about each other and work out quirks and kinks. And that's some good news: the problems you have outlined seem manageable, even fixable.

No one likes to be told they're wrong, or have their language corrected. It feels preachy and judgmental. So tell her that; after all, open communication is the foundation of all relationships. You did a great job outlining your feelings in this letter. Now tell her in person. It is annoying and frustrating to be constantly corrected and you would like her to respect your feelings and tone it down. You're also sensitive to the fact that she appears to look at other men in front of you; tell her so. As for the few times she's blamed odd behavior on medication, I'm guessing that won't seem like such a large issue once you have addressed these other concerns.

Wayne says:

Or perhaps there aren't any positives in this relationship, Wanda — or any positives that our letter-writer deem notable enough to mention. And perhaps he is giving us the clearest picture of this situation, or at least his best perspective of it: that everything is a big mess, his girlfriend is totally not into him, and he's confused, hurt and desperate enough to ask strangers to confirm what he already knows.

While there are always two sides to these stories, the side this writer is sharing is enough to convince me that this relationship needs to end. Sorry Wanda. And sorry buddy – there's no bouncing back from this. Your eyes and gut are telling you the truth. Your girlfriend really doesn't care about how you feel.

Lame, I know. But it isn't going to get any better if you stay with her. She'll continue to walk all over you, embarrass you, hurt you and create distance to keep you and your feelings away.

Sadly, not all relationships have happy endings or are built to last. Not all people are equipped to be, or are ever going to be, great partners. That's why most people's favorite songs are written about heartbreak: because it's so painful and so relatable.

I know it seems really difficult, but you need to walk away from this relationship. It's going to hurt and you're going to feel empty, but eventually you'll also start feeling stronger, healthier and happier, and you'll wonder why you didn't leave earlier. And hopefully you'll think back on this relationship anytime you start seeing someone else, reminding yourself what you need and expect from a partner and what level of respect and love you promise to give back to them.

Want to respond to a recent column, point out a dating trend, or ask Wanda and Wayne for wisdom regarding your love life? Give them a shout at wanda@alaskadispatch.com.

[My best friend and her husband are in an open relationship – and it's making me question some things]

[Breaking up with my 70-year-old boyfriend was so high school]

Wayne and Wanda

Wanda is a wise person who has loved, lost and been to therapy. Wayne is a wise guy who has no use for therapy. Send them your questions and thoughts at wanda@adn.com.

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