Dear Santa Claus,
We The Concerned are very sorry for only writing you once a year, and then only to ask for stuff. But then, maybe you're OK with that. After all, your entire purpose is to entertain the most ardent wishes of good little girls and boys around the world. We hope you can do the same for a whole state because, as this year comes to an end, a secure fiscal future seems pretty far away for Alaska. It's so bad, in fact, that we hope our letter doesn't end up harshing your jolly.
You may know it already, but for decades Alaska's government has depended almost exclusively on oil revenue for government services and capital spending. Oil production is forecast to continue declining, and our savings, while substantial, will not last long if we continue spending at the current rate. The price of oil has been sitting near a five-year low for a couple of weeks as we write this.
It's not a terrifying situation yet, but if the price crash lasts a long time, like it has before, plenty of Alaskans will be hurting. Cutting government spending has been the central approach to the problem so far. Cuts are fine, we suppose, but Alaska should discuss new sources of revenue. And that's where our wish list comes in.
We're not sure whether our new governor has contacted you yet but, according to recent reports, Gov. Bill Walker has a wish list of his own. On the off chance he cc'd you on his federal wish list, we'd like to add to it here.
Recently people have begun talking about tapping the Permanent Fund or reinstating an income tax, but those ideas get trotted out every time oil revenue sags noticeably. Much hand-wringing ensues; then we all forget about them when the crisis ends.
At the top of Walker's wish list is for the feds to finally open ANWR to oil exploration and for the state to finally build a natural gas project. Maybe you could give ANWR a nudge, Santa, but we're afraid not even you can help. Not even the omnipotent Congressman Don Young has made much headway there. If you can't help us, opening ANWR will probably be impossible until the Supreme Court rules that corporations are eligible to run for elected office. President Conoco Phillips won't let Alaska down.
But new sources of oil revenue or new taxes still won't do anything to reduce the state's negligent dependence on a single stream of revenue. We're not sure how it got this way, but if Alaska had more fiscal certainty, maybe its leaders could plan for the future or take on other persistent problems. Key to that, we suspect, is fostering new industries that aren't so volatile.
With such a wide range of pipeline projects already being considered and/or abandoned, with Cook Inlet's gas supply newly resurgent, and with global warming going gangbusters on Alaska's part of the Arctic, maybe a pipeline isn't the best plan anymore. Maybe the best answer is a fleet of LNG tankers and icebreakers to take the gas directly from the North Slope to the rest of the world. LNG off-take points can be easily built at hub towns all around coastal rural Alaska.
Maybe the economies of scale created would reduce the costs of the Interior Energy project, which appears ready to shift the plan from natural gas to furniture, which Fairbanksans are sure to begin burning in great quantities soon. So could you hook us up? Probably three icebreakers would do it for a start. Maybe throw in a liquefaction facility too. We'll use that no matter what happens. Even though LNG is stored at 260 degrees below zero, it'd be like giving warm socks to the whole state.
Maybe you could give the state BP's remaining North Slope holdings, or maybe the holdings of another elephant hunter that wanted to skip town? Then Alaska could finally start its own state oil company that focused on innovation in old reservoirs and had a reputation for extreme environmental and workplace safety.
You could also do us a huge favor and give a rosy-cheeked, twinkle-eyed thumbs up to another industry that could be the start of something big.
Alaskans, it is said, grow some of the best marijuana in the universe. We The Concerned don't know why that is; maybe our pot has more heart-healthy omega-3s or something. Sorry we messed up that barley project you gave us, but we'd do better this time. Alaska-grown cannabis could be a game-changer.
But resistance to the legal pot sales approved by voters seems to be growing among some political leaders. We're concerned that those who only see the downsides when it comes to cannabis have been put in charge of helping create the new laws, so if you could at least mention to them that marijuana is listed in your big holiday score sheet under "Nice," we'd appreciate it.
Also, could you put Snoop Dogg on the "Naughty" list until he performs a concert in Alaska? Dude promised. Thanks.
Since the state looks about to start taxing everything including barista tip jars, maybe it's time to really kick out the jams. The late Gov. Wally Hickel's idea to sell water to California is looking more feasible every day.
The missile defense system at Fort Greely is in line for part of a $100 million boost from Congress. Maybe you could help us sell a couple of those rockets to North Korea. We'd throw in the freshly exploded state-owned launch complex on Kodiak Island for free. Don't worry; the sale wouldn't be traitorous. Neither project appears good at doing anything except costing money, so the joke would be on Kim Jong-un.
Alaska's now No. 1 when it comes to reality shows, thanks to a generous set of incentives. But we're concerned there are still some Alaskans who don't have their own shows yet and aren't doing their part. Think of all that private, mundane drama going unrecognized! Maybe you could give us all our own shows? Or at least just some that are better for our image?
The Concerned is a tongue-in-cheek opinion column written by Scott Woodham, opinion pages editor for Alaska Dispatch News, on behalf of all who consider themselves sufficiently Concerned.
The views expressed here are the writer's own and are not necessarily endorsed by Alaska Dispatch News, which welcomes a broad range of viewpoints. To submit a piece for consideration, email commentary(at)alaskadispatch.com.