Don't mix work with pleasure -- or so goes the old adage. But sometimes it's so darn tempting. We've recently received a couple of letters from readers wondering whether it's time to make a move even if workplace boundaries loom.
Dear Wayne and Wanda,
I hang out often at a bar here in Anchorage where, for years, I've enjoyed a flirtation with one of the bartenders, "Pete." Pete is funny and super hot, a great listener, and I've always had a crush on him. Lately he's really opened up and talked to me more about his family and personal life. When I show up, he usually gives me a long hug, sometime even a kiss on the top of the head, and usually at least one free drink or shot. I hear he is seeing someone but it isn't serious. I'm about over the sexual tension and ready to make a move. Bad idea?
WANDA SAYS:
He's funny, hot and a great listener? And he flirts with you? Pete sounds like a perfect bartender! But I doubt he's in love with you. He's just doing his job. Granted, he would probably have sex with you -- but that's a basic male thing versus a sign of his undying affection.
It sounds like you have a great thing going in Pete. He'll always greet you with an uncomplicated smile and hug, amiably hit on you on days when you need a little ego boost and even give you free drinks and shots. Don't mess it up with a hook-up.
WAYNE SAYS:
To echo Wanda: Don't mess this up! He gives you free drinks. Again, that echo: He gives you free drinks!
This is what bartenders do -- they take care of their regulars. This is what bartenders do for regulars who listen to them vent about their lives -- they thank them with free shots and hugs. And this is what regulars do when a few free shots start kicking in -- they start feeling all warm inside about their bartender or bouncer bestie and then start making bad decisions. You've both got a really good thing going. Don't cross the line. And, oh yeah, he's already in a relationship. Sobering, isn't it?
Dear Wayne and Wanda,
I work for a local company in a small-ish office where the vibe is more like a tight family than a big corporation. My closest co-worker day-to-day is "Claire." I know Claire has a boyfriend because she complains about him all the time. Meanwhile, Claire and I get along great. She's hot, smart and she's the reason I love coming to work every day. We have lunch together daily and often go out after work for drinks and I want to tell her how I feel. But I'm afraid she'll freak out and it will mess everything up. What should I do?
WANDA SAYS:
Wait it out. Be a good friend and colleague, cool your romance jets and be patient. If she's truly miserable, then they'll break up and you'll be there waiting. But it's not worth messing up fragile dynamics of your working relationship. You're at work to work, not to work it.
WAYNE SAYS:
Congratulations on your work wedding! You've got a partner who's got your back when the boss is riding you, when you want to get coffee or lunch, when HR is acting all crazy, when a project is drowning you and even when you need to vent about home life. Yes, pretty awesome. Too bad it's a fantasy land that fades away when the clock hits 5 and you both go back to your respective realities. I'm not saying that work and non-work lives can't overlap. In fact, I've seen the best and worst of work coupling. But I am clearly saying that you are delusional if you think that Claire is going to dump her boyfriend to ride off into the sunset on a Xerox with you right now. Why don't you just enjoy having a really good friend at work? All of us pod drones should be so lucky.
Wanda is a wise person who has loved, lost and been to therapy. Wayne is a wise guy who has no use for therapy. Send them your questions and thoughts at wanda@alaskadispatch.com.