Here's a quick medley of the happenings and rumblings of the Alaska reality TV world this week.
First and most importantly, Alaska's most famous stone mason/homestead rescuer/ultimate survivalist/caribou lyricist/chest hair champion Marty Raney is trolling the internet for some new reality TV talent.
This week on his Facebook page Raney posted: "Looking for an Alaskan female gold miner who will be dropped off for 60 days in the middle of nowhere on a gold claim to prove she has what it takes. TV related. Limited timeframe for responses. Thanks."
I'm really glad that he added "TV related"; otherwise, this would be a really strange and somewhat creepy request from a middle-aged man with no apparent ties to gold mining other than a gold pan that he illogically carried all over the Alaska wilderness for months.
The "limited timeframe" part I assume has to do with production crews trying to get this thing filmed as winter descends. Anyway, if you are a female gold miner, or even if you just want to play one on TV, you know who to contact.
With not much happening on the big networks right now* I found a new show on the DIY Network (DYI stands for do-it-yourself, for those who aren't on Pinterest). You may remember the DIY Network from such "hits" as "Building Alaska," "Yardcore," "Raise the Roof" and my personal favorite name "Salvage Dawgs." Their newest show is "Building Off the Grid: Alaska." It has several episodes that take place all over the state as people try to build remote cabins in the Alaska Range, on glaciers and in North Pole (which I didn't think was off the grid). New episodes air Wednesdays on GCI channel 206 or 744 if you have HD.
Finally, a new season of "Bering Sea Gold" premiers at the end of the month. In case you missed it, "Bering Sea Gold" is a Discovery Channel hit about underwater gold mining off the coast of Nome. It's got a gaggle of characters that help to make up for an otherwise tedious plot. Season seven will take place in the winter season, which I appreciate because the cold weather makes evvvveryone crabbier and more likely to fight. All the time.
The entire 30 second promo features Shawn Pomrenke talking about his family's mining claims that were the central plot of season 6. Followed by shots of the other stars looking very serious as they prepare to go underwater to gold mining, as Pomrenke's voiceover says, "So they work for me now, you want some gold you gotta pay me." If he did somehow manage to make all these other gold miners work for him, it will eliminate half of "Bering Sea Gold's" drama, so I hope that's not true.
In conclusion, when is "Palin Rules" going to air? The world wants to know.
Emily Fehrenbacher lives in Anchorage, where she reviews Alaska reality TV. You can reach her at email@example.com or on Twitter @ETFBacher.
*Except for "Bachelor in Paradise" (ABC), which is the greatest show on television and should air five nights a week instead of two. It's basically like the Olympic Games, but the only talent the competitors have is an impressive lack of shame and self-awareness and incredible amounts of alcohol tolerance.