Q: In 20 minutes I plan to call an all-hands meeting and let them know that a very popular individual is now separated from the company. Even though I plan to use that neutral word, I’m aware the individual will have already called many of my employees and let them know I’ve arbitrarily and unfairly fired her.
I haven’t. I’ve given her chance after chance to step to the plate, and she elected instead to do almost no work, leaving me no choice. Unfortunately, on her last day, she did something that her co-workers won’t have thought was a problem, but she spread so much misinformation about it that they’ll think I fired her because of what she did in that situation.
I know I’ll get questioned as to why I’ve fired her. What do I say?
A: No matter how tempted you feel to explain your reasoning for firing her, don’t. Your former employee has rights and you don’t want to compromise them by statements could be taken out of context.
Instead, let them know you didn’t act arbitrarily. Tell your employees it was a difficult decision that you made thoughtfully. If you’re asked whether that one situation was the cause, you can say no one situation led to the firing, but don’t say more.
The good news: Ultimately, the dust settles.
Q: One of my co-workers stands way too close to me, so close that I can smell his breath and his underarms. It makes me really uncomfortable, but I don’t want to hurt his feelings and since I know he’s not trying to intimidate me, I don’t want to report him to HR.
I’ve been putting up with this for a long time, and the situation irritates me to the point I’m getting angry. How do I get him to back away so I don’t have to smell him without hurting his feelings?
A: You need to tell him. You can say it casually, as in “Hey, dude, back up,” or formally, "When you stand that close I’m uncomfortable.” If you tell him without a judgmental sting in your words or tone, he’ll get the point, particularly if you tell him each time he stands too close.
If you want to resolve the problem without compromising your generally good working relationship, you can’t keep putting this off. When irritations fester, we lose our ability to raise the issue without an edge in our tone. So, let him know the truth, that you don’t want hurt his feelings and know he isn’t trying to intimidate you, but you’d be more comfortable if he stood farther away when he and you talk.
Q: Even though I love my family more than my work, my family depends on the income I bring in from the small business I run. To keep clients happy, I sometimes bring work projects home to handle in the evenings or on weekends. My husband and kids get upset when they want me to do normal “mom” things and I need to concentrate to finish a report.
My husband comes home drained and crabby, and even though I make as much money as he does, he thinks because he has a “real” job while I work for myself and allegedly have control over my schedule, I should be the one to handle all the housework, food shopping and kid duties. He gets angry when I ask him to help out or even try to talk with him about the situation. Instead, he retreats into the garage and does woodworking projects when I need help with the kitchen and the kids and their homework.
I’m not expecting marriage counseling, but since we’re both stressed and we need to figure this out, why won’t he talk?
A: You two may have different stress responses.
Your husband appears to use a flight-or-fight stress response, in which he either pulls into his shell or lashes out. You appear to have a tend-and-befriend response, in which you seek comfort and resolution by talking through the issues.
You describe a relatively normal situation for two hardworking, stressed-out parents. Is there any way you, your husband and your kids can take a several-day break, so that you can have a relaxing day or two before you attempt the next conversation? Also, even though you want to keep your clients happy, can you leave some of the projects you’re now taking home for the next day or week, so you’re not so loaded down yourself?