Q: After we fired “Veronica,” she began stalking our company like a malevolent ghost. She friended every one of our 28 employees on Facebook, linked to every staff member and key client with a profile on LinkedIn and became a faithful follower of myself and two other managers on Twitter. She repeatedly calls all current and even former employees “just to keep in touch.”
A fellow manager and several key clients who are personal friends have passed on to me what Veronica says to them about me and the other manager she most despises. She says things that aren’t true but clothes her spiteful comments in an air of apparent innocence. Other than deleting my Twitter and other social media profiles, what can I do to stop her? Should I issue a statement to employees to not engage with her?
A: What’s leading Veronica to haunt you? Was she blindsided by her termination; did you tick her off, or does she need to right a wrong?
If her termination took her by surprise, she may lack closure. Although many employees about to be fired suspect the ax, those who feel bushwhacked need time afterward to work through roiling emotions such as anger, blame, guilt and fear. Some may even remain mired in a quest for revenge for months.
If you’ve ticked Veronica off, her stalking actions may start off strong but wither when she gets bored with them or they don’t bring her any real reward. Any reaction by you thus backfires, actually prolonging or escalating her focus on you. Further, if you issue a “don’t engage with her” message to your current employees, they may see you as overly intrusive or wonder if there’s fire under the smoke and elect to hide their contacts with her or make them during nonworking hours.
If you want to lessen Veronica’s distraction during the workday, you can send her a “cease and desist” letter and prevent incoming calls by using a free reverse phone lookup and blocking her number. If Veronica truly wants to get back at you, however, she might be able to use this memo against you. You can also monitor what she says about you and your company on social media using online tools such as Google Alerts, TrackUr and Social Mention.
Occasionally, former employees find themselves unable to let go because they first want or need to right a wrong. Perhaps your company abuses employees or a specific category of them, yet manages to escape the wrath of regulatory agencies. Or if you’ve been a bully, your former target may decide that her healing requires her setting the record straight or her standing up to you. If so, you may deserve the wrath Veronica dishes out.
Finally, if you fear she poses an actual threat to you, other managers or your employees, take the situation seriously. You can contact the police, temporarily hire security guards or issue her a “no trespass” letter that forbids her entry into your workplace.
Q: I’m struggling with personal issues that create problems for me at work. My friends tell me I need a life coach but I can’t afford the expense. Can you help me for free?
A: I’m a life coach and can help by giving you some of the questions I’d ask you in our first session so you can self-coach. What triggered your realization you needed to make changes? What results do you seek? What actions can you take to achieve those results? What beliefs or behaviors do you need to change? What might get in your way or stop you? How can you stay focused on improving yourself?
Ultimately, you may decide to invest in one or two coaching sessions. A coach can affirm what you’re doing right if you’re plunged into self-doubt, help you see past your blind spots and can suggest strategies you might not think of nor know how to use.