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Alaska Legislature should try these five New Year's resolutions

  • Author: Shannyn Moore
  • Updated: June 26, 2016
  • Published January 4, 2016

Social media is full of hopeful projections for the next year with a mixture of complaints that the gym is too busy. That happens for about a month, then it goes back to normal and the people who don't know gym etiquette will be gone until next year. I wonder why people don't make resolutions to do things they know they can do. I'll admit it, I put things on my to-do list that I've already done in order to have something to mark completed. It feels like a jump-start. "I resolve to drink better wine," or "I am committed to taking more naps and taking an extra five minutes in the shower" don't seem to be on too many goal lists.

Maybe it's the underachiever in me, but I'd like to make things easier for folks -- including our Legislature. They are going back into session this month and I have a few suggestions for resolutions they may want to adapt for all our sakes.

Resolution #1

For the love of God and all that is holy, please, please, please stop passing stupid laws on reams of paper and way too much time pushing through new license plate styles. Really. If people have some important cause they need the world to know when they are driving around in their cars, get a bumper sticker like the rest of the civilized world. They don't need a state-sponsored metal tag for their car to proclaim their allegiance to a way of thought. More than that, we don't need you giving your approval. It's like polishing the brass doorknobs while the house is on fire. Just stop.

Resolution #2

The opening prayers every day should be a full stop until you start legislating in a way that answers, "What Would Jesus Do?" Healing the sick, feeding the poor and tending to those in prisons, the widows and orphans isn't something we see discussed on the lawmaking floors in Juneau. Far from it. The Republican majority laments about the costs of expanding Medicare to Alaska's working poor at the same time retiring House member Mike Hawker honks about how he's got his health care -- government-paid -- and now he can go be a super Catholic. He may want to check into how the pope feels about largesse and put the Taj MaHawker up next to it.

Rep. Les Gara has to beg and borrow to put funds together for foster kids, and his is a valiant effort. You'd think in one of those morning prayers these young people would get top billing -- I haven't heard it yet. Seriously, this bunch can't add a few cents to school lunches for meaningful nutrition. (Read: won't feed the hungry.) It's been said before, and I will say it again, if you don't want your tax dollars to help the poor, then stop saying that you want a country based on Christian values. Because you don't! When your negligence as a governing body makes Alaskans have to pray as a first resort for their basic needs, you're doing it wrong.

Resolution #3

Stop posturing for the doomsdayers and rapture watchers. It will be OK if you miss an opportunity to bash Obama or the federal government. Really. We are part of America and they send a lot of money to keep us afloat. (See money for roads, ports and airports or military installations as obvious examples.) Yes, President Obama is going to begin enforcing background checks on gun sales, and I realize this feels like a kick to the crotch for many ammosexuals. It is really predictable what a few of our lawmakers are going to do with this development and they should just stop. Resolve yourselves that God did not create the .30-06 on the sixth day and if the government ever needed a registry of all the gun nuts they could simply have the NSA hack the membership list of the NRA. Boom. Done. Oh, and Obama isn't running for a third term, so there's that.

Resolution #4

Stop tripping over yourselves to kiss up to oil companies. Oh, you're going to do what you're going to do, I just don't want to see the smooching part. When there are hearings where Alaska needs a sovereign voice, please don't apologize to Big Oil for having to do your job. Thanks.

Resolution #5

Get your work done so the governor doesn't have to call special sessions. You don't get to sit on the bench for the entire game and then call overtime because you've failed to score. That would be great.

Happy New Year, Alaska.

Shannyn Moore is a radio broadcaster.

The views expressed here are the writer's own and are not necessarily endorsed by Alaska Dispatch News, which welcomes a broad range of viewpoints. To submit a piece for consideration, email Send submissions shorter than 200 words to or click here to submit via any web browser.

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