Dear Wayne and Wanda,
This winter I met "Chad." He's handsome, fun and works a field schedule, so he's usually in town two weeks at a time. I'm a teacher and don't work during the summer and was excited about the adventures we could share given our long, mutual stretches of time off. I've waited a long time to meet someone who would want to join me in exploring Alaska and going on trips Outside.
But summer is basically here and we have nothing planned. Every time I try to book plane tickets, a cabin or make plans to go camp, Chad tells me he wants to wait and see what the weather is, or see what our friends are doing, or see what else is going on, etc.
I realize now I am dating a procrastinator, at best, or at worst, someone who just doesn't have any interest in doing cool stuff with me. And I won't forgive myself if another summer passed with me wasting weekends ending up at the bars last-minute or worse yet on my couch because I don't have anyone cool to partner up with. I really like Chad. How can I address this without scaring him off?
-- Wannabe Weekend Warrior
Wanda says:
If Chad wants to wait until the last minute to plan or commit, let Chad do his thing, and make your own plans. There is no rule that unless you have a travel buddy, you're relegated to the couch or barstool. Make some plans and do your own thing.
Because you're right. Life is too short to waste it thinking about all the cool things you could be doing. So go do them. I'm not saying go hard-core, backwoods-crazy and have a helicopter drop you in desolate bear country for weeks on end. But why not pack a tent and cooler and do an easy overnight in Hope? Or hit up a well-worn but scenic trail for a solo hike? Or book yourself a cozy B&B in Girdwood?
Summers in Alaska fly by. Fly right along with it. Chad will either realize he's missing all the fun and join you, or he won't, and you'll realize that by staying with him, you're missing an opportunity to have a partner with whom you're truly compatible.
Wayne says:
Now, not everyone is as adventurous as Wanda. Wanda will wander the world on a whim without a wingwoman or wingman. She is her own best friend and won't wait for anyone who sits on the fence. Few people are as comfortable and confident as her, and that's why Wanda -- and those special few like her -- is so wonderful.
Our teacher friend, while also seemingly special, isn't exactly bold. They want a planning partner, a tour guide, a plus-one and a hand to hold. And while it's easy to say "Get off the bench and play," some people just aren't wired that way.
So here's the merry middle-ground for you, teacher. You can feel inspired by Wanda's wanderlust and still not go it alone. If you're a teacher, most of your co-workers also have summers off. Make friends and plans with them. Also, look into Meetup groups, where folks who don't have adventure buddies or fresh adventure ideas can find endless varieties of both. Want to travel the state, country or the world? Look into group tours for single travelers. Really, it's a thing.
I realize this isn't the same kind of fun that you would have if you brought a boyfriend along, but at least you're having fun. And I'm betting that somewhere along the way, you'll realize you don't need a boring boyfriend in your life and that you'll also find a little bit of world-wandering Wanda in you.
Wanda is a wise person who has loved, lost and been to therapy. Wayne is a wise guy who has no use for therapy. Send them your questions and thoughts at wanda@alaskadispatch.com.