Dear Wayne and Wanda,
I am single and have a Tinder account and was flipping through my options this weekend (mostly swiping left, unfortunately) when I came upon a huge surprise -- "Ben," my good friend's husband, has an account. I took a screenshot of it for evidence but now I can't decide what to do. Do I tell my friend or pretend I never saw Ben's profile?
Wanda says:
There's a reason so many people who cheat get caught; when people get passionate, they also get sloppy about covering their tracks. More than ever before, it's easy to follow digital trails to catch unfaithfuls in the act.
How stupid is this guy? Pretty stupid, apparently. The urge to out him is understandable. But don't tell your friend. First of all, it isn't your business. Secondly, Ben will get caught sooner than later. Just give it time.
But good call on snapping the screenshot. Save that, just in case.
Wayne says:
He made it her business, Wanda, and everyone else's business when he went public with his cheating. So tell your girlfriend. Now. He's busted. It's over.
Friends don't let friends' partners cheat. Any true friend would tell on a cheater, whether they catch them online, in the streets or anywhere. I know it's a painful, awkward conversation to have, but think about how you'd feel if you were being cheated on and a close friend had the goods the whole time.
And while he's a clown for cheating, I don't think he's all that dumb. I'm pretty sure he wants to be caught. It's easier than being a man and telling his wife he isn't into her anymore. He just wants someone else to do the telling for him. So do everyone a favor: Out the rat.
Dear Wayne and Wanda,
I was out at SubZero the other night and it was really packed but I saw my friend's wife with some of her friends. She was all dressed up and they were flirting with a bunch of dudes. The guys definitely bought the girls at least one round of drinks, and one guy in particular was really hovering around my friend's wife. I think I saw them trade phone numbers -- they were talking and huddling over their phones and showing each other the screens and punching numbers in. Just before I left, she finally looked around and noticed me and she looked totally freaked out and guilty. I left before she could say hi.
I want to tell my friend that I think she's cheating. Should I?
Wanda says:
Wow, you were so busy watching your friend's wife's every move, it's a wonder you had time to enjoy yourself. Look, you're jumping to major conclusions here. For all you know, this guy was a friend or coworker, and the phone thing could have been completely innocent.
It's understandable you want to honor the bro code and have your boy's back, but pump the brakes and hold off on saying anything.
Wayne says:
Not sure how often you get out, but this is what happens in bars. People drink and laugh and mingle with other laughing drinkers. What also happens in bars: People flirt for free drinks. It's a shameless yet effective barroom classic.
And, yes, bars are also places where people meet other people and then hook up. But these two weren't hooking up, were they? You have no idea what they were doing. I'm guessing it was probably something totally scandalous like trading LinkedIn account information or showing off photos of their dogs. Loosen up, Agent 007, and have another cold one.