Q: I love Christmas and giving gifts, but this year I'm feeling I'd like to be as much of a Scrooge as other employees. Last year I gave thoughtful gifts to my boss and co-workers. I gave a beautiful china platter to one woman, a handmade children's blanket to a man with a small child and similar gifts to others. Other than my boss, only one person gave me anything, a CD so tacky I threw it away. While several said "oh, thanks" as if they deserved a gift but I didn't, most didn't even bother to say thanks.
Do I simply work with jerks, or are employees not giving gifts any more to each other, even though we spend almost as much time with each other as we do with our families? My husband says not to bring anyone other than my boss a gift, but what if one of the new hires gives me a gift? I'll feel like a jerk if I don't have something wrapped to hand them in exchange but I don't know them well enough to even know what to give.
A: Managers and employees in many organizations still give each other gifts. You may, however, need to rein in your generosity. Also, giving is giving; expecting something equal in return can set you up for disappointment.
At the same time, those who receive thoughtful presents and give nothing in return damage working relationships. If you decide to abandon general gift-giving, you might want to wrap a few presents and leave them in a drawer or your car, so you'll have something for co-workers who unexpectedly bring you something.
When giving gifts to co-workers, think of the recipient. If you don't know your co-workers well, give gift cards or bring food treats for the office and include low-calorie items such as tangelos or grape clusters for those on diets. Also, even if you're trying to help a friend's business, avoid giving gifts that offer 20 percent discounts to those that patronize the business. Recipients who need to shell out money to redeem "gifts" rarely see them as deals.
Avoid gifts that insult or say "you need help," such as a "Supervision for Dummies" book for your boss, "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Business Etiquette" to a co-worker who makes bad jokes or grooming items such as deodorants, shaving kits or mouthwash. Before giving any gift, ask yourself how you'd feel if you got something similar.
As a general rule, avoid gifts that are romantic, sexual, sarcastically funny or easily misinterpretable. If you're giving flowers, give poinsettias or "lucky" bamboo plants rather than roses, particularly if you're giving them to someone of the opposite sex. In one horrible gift-giving backfire, a hospital gave "gag" gifts to volunteers and gave an African-American woman a stuffed monkey holding a baby monkey. She sued, claiming the hospital gave multiple gifts designed to harass and intimidate, citing a "toy foot with a twinkling toe" given to a gay employee and a "squealing pig" giving to a minority employee who'd filed a discrimination complaint against the hospital.
If you're a manager, be careful not to be more generous with one employee than with others. Also, if in the past you've given personal presents as well as gift cards to employees but not received personal presents back, realize your employees may not have the money you do. While you gave gifts with only the best intentions, your employees may have felt uncomfortable because they couldn't reciprocate. This year, consider giving gift cards that don't result in the same "should I have given something in exchange?" awkwardness.
Finally, whatever you give, be discreet and deliver your gifts privately, so you don't embarrass those whose financial limits or personal values lead them to not give gifts in return. At the same time, anyone who receives a gift needs to say thanks. To do less lacks class.