Gastronomes, vegetarians, locavores and members of the slow-food movement: Let me save you some time. You will probably not like the Texas Roadhouse. You may now quit reading.
But if, like me, you are occasionally more of a gourmand than a gourmet, Texas Roadhouse has a certain appeal. I'll go a step further. I liked it. There, I said it.
I met my family at the newly opened Southside location for a midweek, post-ballet-class dinner and was surprised to see a packed parking lot. Inside, the place was hopping. Good karma allowed us to snag the last table for four to be had. We gratefully sailed past larger parties waiting patiently with their pagers.
It's a noisy dining room -- post-practice/pre-homework family dinners, birthday parties and a few extended-family get-togethers were trying to make themselves heard against a backdrop of loud country music. Booster seats prevail and infants sit on laps. Not a good spot for whispered sweet nothings, perhaps -- but a good spot to sell national security secrets because I guarantee that no one will hear a thing. It's a hectic atmosphere, but it's also festive. And everyone -- including the staff -- seemed to be having fun. The fact that every so often, all of the floor staff drop everything to do a choreographed line dance in the aisle? Well, that's just gravy on the chicken-fried steak.
Dinner here is a whirlwind affair. The hostess grabs a basket of hot rolls on the way to your table. Drink orders are taken right away. A waitress upsells your beer from a 16-ounce to a 22-ounce mug before you even know what hit you ("Only $1 more!") Appetizers are suggested before you open your menu. This is corporate culture at its most effective.
Let's start with the rolls. Strangely sweet, soft (almost gooey) and piping hot, they are served with a side of whipped cinnamon butter. They are addictive and undoubtedly unwholesome. My family re-christened them "appetizer doughnuts." So do with that what you will.
To begin, we ordered an appetizer sampler ($12.99) and deep-fried pickles ($5.99), which arrived impressively quickly. The crispy, battered pickle coins taste almost like very filling salt and vinegar potato chips: fun to eat but self-limiting. Two or three, and even the most jaded palate has to call it quits. The boneless chicken wings were fine but not "hot" as advertised. The potato skins, though the toppings were generous, were a bit of a letdown -- the potatoes seemed tired. I liked the rattlesnake bites; deep-fried nuggets of jalapenos and jack cheese, they were the only things on the plate with actual "bite."
Our entrees followed quickly. My husband ordered the 20-ounce bone-in ribeye (described on the menu as "our most flavorful steak," $29.99), my older daughter ordered ribs ($22.99 for a full slab), I ordered the country fried chicken ($13.99) and my youngest ordered chicken "critters" (eww) off of the kids menu ($8.99). Each dish comes with two sides, and while attempting to avoid the green beans (because … green beans), we ended with some hilarious pairings. Between the four entrees we had a cup of chili (too sweet — Chef Boyardee sweet), a dish of corn, three loaded baked potatoes and a truckload of steak fries.
Portions are huge. Everything is hot and properly cooked. The ribeye was a perfect medium rare. The chicken (a pounded out breast, schnitzel-style) was crispy, and the ribs were tender. Sides were also fine, though I wish the seasoning salt on the fries could be made optional. But nothing was remarkable. Everything was "pretty good" but nothing was "great," my daughter said, summing it up.
As for seasoning, my palate has finally met its match. Far from complaining about underseasoned food (as I am wont to do), the dishes at Texas Roadhouse lean toward too salty, even for me. There's a reason they're so quick to refill water and soda glasses. After a handful of deep-fried pickles, hydrating is a medical necessity.
The check comes with a barrage of take-out boxes and Texas Roadhouse shopping bags so you can pack up your leftovers. There's something symbolic about this. Texas Roadhouse: the home of self-aware excess.
My daughters and I went back for a late lunch the following weekend. We started with a grilled shrimp appetizer ($7.99) that was all but drowning in a lemony garlic butter (not a complaint), so I ordered a Chuli Stout from Denali Brewhouse to wash it down ($7.75). It came in a tall, narrow, iced mug, and while this may not be the proper way to serve a stout (please, beer connoisseurs, don't judge me), it was extremely appealing. I'm not always a beer drinker, but apparently I should be. I just need the right frosty mug.
This time, my oldest daughter ordered the sirloin/barbecued chicken combo ($20.99). My youngest ordered sliders off the kids menu ($5.99) and I ordered a New York strip ($22.99). You can "upgrade" your steak with sautéed onions and mushrooms and/or -- I kid you not -- a topping of melted pepper-jack cheese. If you're still reading foodie/epicure/health-food activist, I know what you're thinking: This is what is wrong with America today.
The barbecue chicken -- like the fried chicken -- arrives boneless, which makes it easy to eat. But while we liked the sauce, the chicken tasted distinctly "processed" and had a strange bouncy texture. The sirloin was perfectly cooked and tastier than when I cook a sirloin at home. I enjoyed my New York strip but found it a bit fatty and perhaps a wee bit overcooked (I ordered it medium rare). It's a steak that takes up a lot of real estate on the plate but, because it's thin, may be harder to cook to a subtle temp.
My daughter who requested her burgers with no cheese got cheese anyway, but the server whisked them away with profuse apologies. To tide her over, she ate her sister's baked potato while she waited for her corrected plate. The server, noticing this, brought another potato to the table without missing a beat. It's a small detail but the kind of thing that make the difference between good service and great service.
Does the Texas Roadhouse offer fine dining? No. Is it a good choice for a romantic date night? No. Is it an authentic Texas dining experience? Again, no. But it is a cheerful, efficiently run, family-friendly spot with big helpings of reasonably tasty food. You might not go for the food, but you might go for the good-natured silliness, the line dancing, free peanuts and ice-cold beer.
As for me? Let's face it: I'm going back for the appetizer doughnuts.
Texas Roadhouse
Hours: 4-10 p.m. Mon.-Thurs., 4-11 p.m. Fri., Noon-11 p.m. Sat. and Noon-10 p.m. Sun.
Location: 9001 Old Seward Highway and 1154 N. Muldoon Road
Phone: 907-336-7427 (Old Seward) and 333-8930 (Muldoon)
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