Going to "Christmas in Spenard" is like watching "It's a Wonderful Life" each year. You know most of it by heart but the holidays wouldn't be the same without an evening of Yule-oriented sleaze.
The musical revue, back for a limited run at the Tap Root, has one advantage over the Jimmy Stewart movie: You never quite know what will happen next. Although certain routines are evergreen, such as "Alone Together Here in 99503" and the musical send-up of the Neiman Marcus catalog ("The Christmas spirit shouldn't be forgot / But it don't mean s--- if it don't cost a lot"), the rest of the show depends on which local peccadilloes and politicians are ripest for picking.
Show host and keyboardist Mr. Whitekeys warmly welcomed a sold-out crowd on opening night, "even the guy who's texting in the front row and it's only the second ... song!" The numbskull in question looked a little embarrassed to be singled out but he didn't stop texting.
His loss. All the evening's lyrics were skillful and some of them were screamingly funny -- that is, as long as you don't mind bad puns and potty humor. A couple of salmon, hearkening back to Barack Obama's recent visit to a subsistence fishing site, sing a cheerful little ditty called "I Spawned on the President's Shoe."
Donald Trump (Cameron Morrison) and Sarah Palin (Regina McDonald) did a parody of hip-hop favorite "Uptown Funk" that had tears squirting from the audience's eyes. A sampling:
Donald: "My hair's so tall, I can build a wall; I can keep the rapists out."
Sarah: "There's no such thing as climate change, your prayers will solve the drought."
Donald: "I'm rich, I'm huge, I own half of New York City."
Sarah: "I look hot on a snowmachine."
Both: "I could kiss myself, I'm so pretty!"
Donald: "Don't be a bum, just get a job, I don't care if you're on the skids."
Sarah: "I could be Secretary of Labor, just to deliver Bristol's kids."
As long as you're having vulgarity it might as well be the toe-tapping kind. The house band is tight and, as always, Morrison and McDonald sing and dance their sleazy little hearts out.
Morrison's superpower is to be a chameleon. He's got Trump's fatuous smirk down pat, his Elvis is a thing of hip-thrusting beauty, and you honestly believe that's mattress maven Ted Sadtler dancing a long-limbed jig while selling … legal marijuana? ("Homegrown on the range / Where we smoke all our troubles away / Wasilla's never heard a discouraging word / 'Cause their minds just stay cloudy all day.")
The show, which runs just over two hours including intermission, also included references to the Anchorage Centennial, Rep. Don Young, Caitlyn Jenner, Charlo Greene, Deflategate, Amazon, Facebook and Christmas letters. Surprisingly, Spam was barely mentioned, although it did show up in a photo montage of meat-based Nativity scenes. (Festive!)
Two more shows were added, on Dec. 28 and 29, but you'd better hurry before they're sold out. Most of the previously announced shows are, though it's acceptable to wait at the door to see if seats for no-shows become available. Get yourself a plate of deep-fried Buffalo Spam and prepare for the fun. With "Christmas in Spenard," it is, indeed, a wonderful life -- even if at times you're a little ashamed at yourself for laughing.
CHRISTMAS IN SPENARD continues at 6:45 p.m. Monday-Wednesday through Dec. 29 at the Tap Root Public House, 3300 Spenard Road. Tickets are $9-$27, available at centertix.net, or call 263-2787.
Former Anchorage Daily News reporter and reviewer Donna Freedman writes for a number of personal finance sites, and blogs about money and midlife at DonnaFreedman.com.