School's back in session, and in our home that means trying new things. Each child has their own set of goals for Spring 2016.
For the toddler, it's saying "please" and "thank you" and learning to share. For one child, it's doing extra math. For another, it's making sure the homework comes home, gets done and is turned back in. Others are working on personal responsibility and organization.
Everyone, from the 2 1/2-year-old to the college students, has something to work on this go-around. Even the adults.
My homework is to have awkward conversations, like those about sex and puberty, and to make them seem like no big deal, as though they are just another part of daily life. In the make-believe-home of my imagination, I glide through the house, cool, calm and collected, ably managing any topic with my savvy, well-educated, peaceful children. In this fantasy world we epitomize the mature, functional family ideal.
Fortunately, I do not live there, a good thing since it's probably also really boring. I live in the world where my chest pounds, my mind cycles and the kids squirm, fidget and hide at the mere hint of talking about bodies and private parts.
When I received notice last week that puberty would be a covered topic this semester for upper grades in Anchorage elementary schools, I was relieved to get the heads-up. It doesn't alleviate the discomfort of talking about the physical changes girls and boys experience as the pituitary gland begins to work its magic and usher them toward adulthood. But it gives me a chance to be ready for it and to think about how to keep the kids' attention when they're about to die of embarrassment.
Trying to insulate the children from my nerves -- and me from theirs -- on these topics is an awkward dance.
Previewing the material that will be covered in the classroom helped. Puberty is so much more than the reproductive system coming of age. Boys and girls' bodies are changing. They may gain a little weight. Get taller. Experience changes in their voice. Some will mature faster than others. Girls begin to menstruate. For boys, the frequency of erections increases.
While all of these changes are happening, many children will get or overhear bad information from their friends or relatives, while others will create their own theories to fill in their knowledge gaps.
This is where parents get to step in. Your home is the perfect place to demystify what's happening and normalize body conversations. Ignoring it is not a good plan, as chances are your school-aged child has already heard about or been exposed to the conversation already. Psychology Today's February 2012 blog post "What Fifth Graders Want to Know about Sex and Puberty" offers an enlightening look at the questions nagging young minds.
Fred Kaeser, a children's sexuality expert and lecturer who served as the director of health for New York City's Department of Education, made a list, curating the children's own words, of all the questions students asked during one of his talks. The list includes:
• Why do you have sex?
• How do you have sex?
• What is it called when you have a tingling in your private part? Is it called an orgasm?
• If I had all the symptoms of a period would I get it soon even if I'm only 10?
• How do you know someone is in love with you?
"A lot of the questions that we get are 'Am I normal?' 'Am I all right?' 'What can I expect?' " said Melanie Sutton, health and physical education curriculum coordinator for the Anchorage School District. "The clearest message that a parent can convey is that everybody goes through this. It is a normal part of what happens as we transition from being a child to becoming an adult."
The district focuses on the biological part of development and leaves it up to families to help navigate other questions children might have, like how tall they're likely to get, what nocturnal emissions are, or when they might start their period. Puberty is just one rung on the ladder of developmental stages students are made aware of.
The human growth and development curriculum covered by the Anchorage School District is geared toward helping children -- at age-appropriate stages -- know what's happening to their bodies and why, and how to take care of their bodies and stay healthy.
Second-graders work on taking more responsibility for themselves. Fourth-graders get the "you are stinky" talk and learn how to keep clean as they approach puberty. Fifth-graders learn about the next stage of puberty -- hormones, hair growth, acne, reproductive systems. Sixth-graders build on their reproductive knowledge and learn more about how babies grow and are made.
"It is moving through the stages of age-appropriate development getting you ready to understand the changes in your body at the time it's going to happen," Sutton said.
All elementary schools within the Anchorage School District will present the curriculum at the end of January. Parents with questions should contact the school nurse.
When the time for conversation comes with your child, may you be as open, cool and calm as I hope to be.
Jill Burke is a longtime Alaska journalist writing from the center of a busy family life. Her father swore by "Burke's Law No. 1 -- never take no for an answer." Meaning, don't give up in the face of adversity. The lesson stuck. Share your ideas with her at jill@alaskadispatch.com, on Facebook or on Twitter.
The views expressed here are the writer's own and are not necessarily endorsed by Alaska Dispatch News, which welcomes a broad range of viewpoints.