Q: Our Anchorage work site functions as an outpost. With our corporate headquarters and most of our employees in other states, we’re forced depend on each other.
“Eva” makes this difficult, and her behavior is worst for me because she shares my office and the other employees just stop by in the morning and then head out to the field. It’s draining being around her. Eva always has something negative to say about me or anyone else who sticks their neck out and tries something new.
There’s no way I can tell anyone about this. Eva has the senior management in our company completely buffaloed. She always responds to their emails “on it!” as if she’s super excited but the minute she hits send she starts complaining. “On it” never means on it. Eva volunteers for everything but then always comes to me for help starting those projects because she’s “so slammed.” She then puts the finishing touches on my work and claims credit. If I don’t help, I feel like a jerk. But I feel like a worse jerk when I help her because she takes personal calls off and on all day and leaves early most afternoons while I’m still working after 5.
There’s no one for me to talk with about this. Eva often brings donuts for the morning coffee and so the guys like her and see her as her friendly. They don’t know that she comes back into our office and bad-mouths them, saying they smell and laughing about the ways their shirts don’t cover their butt cracks when they bend over to pick things up. If I let them know what she says, I’d be as bad as her. I can’t go to HR because Eva and the woman who runs HR hit it off early on and they go out drinking together when we visit corporate headquarters.
I honestly like the work part of my job but working in the same office with her is driving me nuts.
A: Stop giving her that power.
End the game.
Eva’s game requires that she cuts others down, puts something over on others, or makes others feel less good about themselves or their situations. Chances are that you accidentally reward Eva when she complains about you, the senior managers or the field guys. Early on, you may have listened either politely or with interest. You gave Eva an audience. Now, your discomfort or annoyance show on your face.
Don’t play her game. You can take a direct route and say “Stop.” If she asks “What?” you can respond “Just stop; I don’t want to hear complaining or others cut down.” Alternatively, you can respond noncommittally and “noise cancel” inside your mind by replacing what she’s just said with a positive thought such as “I actually liked what the manager said” or “the guys work hard and do a great job.” You can also voice these thoughts out loud, unless doing so initiates an argument that would waste time or drag you further down.
Take charge and throw her out of your head.
You’ve let Eva drain your job satisfaction and snuff the fun out of your work life. Take back ownership for how you interact with others. Bring the guys cookies yourself. If you’re going to wind up doing the work when Eva volunteers, volunteer first. Eva has power because she’s well connected with upper management and HR. Develop your own connections.
Most importantly, stop letting Eva take up space in your mind. You’ve been dragged into a mindset that’s negative about her negativity. You can’t win from that space. You’re the landlord of your mind; if you let Eva remain as a free renter, she’ll trash the place.
Don’t let her use you.
Not only do you need to stop being an audience for Eva’s caustic comments, you need to end your time as her work patsy. Although you need to help Eva and any other coworker who requests assistance, particularly if you fear Eva may tell upper management she asked you for help and you turned her down flat, limit the amount of time you give her. If you’re asked “why didn’t you help Eva more,” you can explain you helped, but had critical work projects to finish. Better yet, email Eva your thoughts when she asks you to “put something together” and copy your manager, noting in the body of the email that you thought your manager might want to be in the loop.
In other words, don’t let Eva play you any longer.