I usually host a New Year’s party, but I’m not feeling it this year after a breakup. Can I cancel?

Dear Wayne and Wanda,

Every year, I host a New Year’s Eve party. It’s kind of taken on a life of its own where I think even if I didn’t put out invites, people would show up anyway, ready to celebrate. I make some pretty great appetizers and buy a ton of champagne, and friends and family show up with treats and drinks to share. We let the Christmas movies roll, and people come and go throughout the night. It’s always been one of my favorite events.

Inevitably around Thanksgiving, people started asking if the party was happening, and I said yes. But a couple weeks ago, my girlfriend and I broke up and I’m pretty torn up about it. Now I wish this party wasn’t happening at all. The thought of all these people having fun into the wee hours of the night does nothing for me when all I want to do is hide out in a dark room with my dog and feel sorry for myself. I’m pretty sure some of her friends still plan on coming and I’m definitely not ready to see them.

I don’t know how to get out of this at this point. New Year’s is just days away. Is there a classy or appropriate way for me to cancel the party this close to the holiday and risk ruining the evening for friends and family? Or do I need to pull myself together and just get through it? Thanks.

Wanda says:

First of all, I’m sorry about your breakup. Breakups are hard as is, but to happen amid the holiday season is the worst, and your current mood may leave you feeling a little unbalanced against the backdrop of the holiday season. Despite the joy and cookies and saccharine Hallmark movies and all the ho-ho-hoing, it’s important to remember that the holidays can be a stressful and sad time for many. And that’s OK. No one is ever under any obligation to “pull themselves together” to make others more comfortable; you need to prioritize yourself and your own mental wellness.

Cancel the party. If these are really your best friends, they will understand that you’re going through a tough transition and can’t handle the added stress and pressure of performative merriment. It’s great that you’ve established this fun tradition so many look forward to, but it’s something you did because it brought you joy, not because it brought you down.

In your current headspace, while it might help to spend some authentic times with friends who care about helping you along the way, it’s probably not healthy to take on the role of epic party host, and especially not on a night like New Year’s Eve, framed in pop culture by romantic movies and meaningful midnight kisses. So yes, pull the plug on the holiday lights, text your peeps to let them know the party’s on a hiatus, and figure out a way to spend New Year’s that will nurture versus deplete your energy.

Wayne says:

You know what you need right now? Something to take your mind off your misery. Like, maybe, planning and executing a big festive gathering of people who love and care for you. And what a coincidence — you’ve got a party scheduled that everyone is already looking forward to. Wow, that’s convenient.

I know you’re feeling crappy and the thought of good times seems insufferable. But what doesn’t right now? You’re in the pits of breakup misery and it’s tough to put one foot in front of the other, much less do a bunch of running around to prep a damn party of all things. I get it. Your friends and family get it, too. But eventually you’re going to have to start moving forward, and here’s your chance.

What if your first step out of desolation is focusing on one of your favorite nights of the year, prepping the best party ever, and then hosting the best party ever? Or just hosting a decent party with minimal planning and prep on your part? Have everyone bring food and drink to share, limiting your duties to a quick pre-party vacuum, turning on an Apple Music playlist, and heating up the oven (and maybe a shower and a clean change of clothes for you?). They won’t care — they’ll just be happy to carry on a tradition and that revolves around you.

A night of laughs and hugs and bubbly, all leading up to the start of a new year and its limitless possibilities. That’s the perfect remedy for your breakup blues.