Dear Annie: I am writing about an issue that I believe is affecting many couples now. The issue is pornography.
My husband and I have been married for 25 years, and we had a happy marriage while raising our three children. They all turned out to be good, responsible adults. We bought a house together, went on vacations and really lived a pretty good life over the years.
However, things seemed to change two years ago. Suddenly, I find myself yearning for his attention and compliments. I know I’m not as young as when he met me, but I stay in relatively good shape and spend time taking care of myself. My problem is that I believe he is addicted to pornography.
Before Christmas, he decided that he needed a 75-inch flat-screen TV. I could not understand why, but he went ahead and had it installed while I was at work. I also noticed that he gets very anxious when I’m home on a day off and he doesn’t have the television and living room to himself. I recently went through the cable bill (which is one he pays) and found that he is paying several hundred dollars a month on pornography channels.
I feel that he has become so taken by his addiction that he is not satisfied with how any woman looks if they don’t look like the girls he watches on the screen. Our sex life has become nonexistent. I’ve tried talking to him about this, but he quickly shuts off the conversation by saying, “Everyone watches porn, what’s the big deal”?
To me, it has become a very big deal and a big addiction. Any advice?
-- Left for the Television in New York
Dear Left for the Television: You are not alone. There are many spouses who find themselves in similar situations. While it might seem like you are left for the television or pornography, what you are really left for is a sick man who is in the middle of an addiction.
There are many support groups online and in person. Please encourage your husband to seek help. If he is completely in denial, then it is time to seek the help of a professional counselor -- for you, so you can decide what to do. You might also seek couples therapy.