DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I just moved into a new two-story home. The primary suite is on the main floor, directly under the only room that will work as a guest room.
Unfortunately, we have discovered that when we are in our bedroom, we are able to hear every little noise made in the room above.
We plan to have as many visitors, both friends and family, as will honor our home. We don’t want to create any awkwardness or discomfort for our guests, but also do not wish to become aware of a guest’s private matters. We know the situation is reciprocal, and can adjust our behavior accordingly.
Is it better to tactfully let our visitors know the situation so they can also have the opportunity to adjust their actions? Or to simply pretend we can’t hear a thing, wear earplugs and turn on our air purifier in the hopes we don’t hear anything too private?
GENTLE READER: The second. Because if you tell them, your guests will hardly be able to relax while engaging in even routine bedtime activity without worrying about bothering you. Miss Manners therefore suggests that you employ those soundproofing techniques -- and perfect your pretending.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am in a predicament with a friend of mine. We used to be involved romantically, and he is clinging to the idea that he can convince me to return to his side.
I have no interest in him anymore, due to my commitment to my current partner. But even if we were to break up, I would not be in a relationship with this person again. Unfortunately, he can’t seem to catch on that our ship has sailed.
The way he acts toward me is incredibly different from how he acts toward the rest of our friends, and it often makes me uncomfortable. It is extremely similar to how he treated me during our relationship, but with additional, poorly executed attempts to entice me.
How do I get him to just take the hint? It feels like he is entirely ignoring the fact that I have a new partner -- one I love dearly and seek a long-term relationship with. It’s frankly getting on my nerves.
GENTLE READER: “You seem to misunderstand the nature of our friendship. I apologize if I have inadvertently given you signals that this is anything other than platonic friendship, but that is what it is. My current partner would be quite surprised to find out otherwise.”
And then Miss Manners suggests that you warn said current partner of your past one’s mistaken beliefs, lest the delusional one try to convince him otherwise.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I joined a friend for dinner. Waiting for the bill, I put cash on the table for my share. A waitress came and said that a friend of his (who I didn’t know) had paid for our meal.
He smiled, pocketed my cash and said we should go thank his friend. Shouldn’t he have returned my cash to me?
GENTLE READER: Yes.