Dear Annie: Earlier this year, my good friend ended our friendship. She told me via text that our friendship has run its course because I continue to cross boundaries, and she asked that I never reach out to her again.
It all started when I asked her if she wanted to go with me to a concert. We had gone to one prior to this one, and we had an awesome time. So I figured, let’s go to another one. She never got back to me. No calls or text back. Then I heard she got a job somewhere else at a restaurant and called her to find out, and still nothing. I got concerned because she had told me that she goes through depression and she stays away for a while until she gets over it.
As a last resort, I called her at work, and it turned out she didn’t get another job after all. I left a message for her to call me back. She texted me and said that calling her at work was out of line and that our friendship was over.
This hit me big time. I was devastated, depressed and confused. We had become good friends and had a lot of good memories together, and I felt that it was all for nothing. I explained that I got anxious and called her at work, but she said my asking for her was unacceptable. A couple of months later, I did reach out to her again. I kept the message simple. I just told her that I missed her and still think about her. Her reply was, “Who is this?” She removed me from her contacts. That was the only time I reached out to her.
Since then, I’ve been hurt and confused about what happened. I feel stuck with my decisions about this. Should I give it more time? Reach out to her again to fix this, or just move on? Of all the friends who have been in my life, she stands out the most.
-- Old Soul
Dear Old Soul: At this point, you should cut your losses and move on. Remember the good times and know that you can create other good times with a friend who wants to create memories with you. You were kind to be concerned about your friend when she told you she gets depressed, and you checked on her. But once you found out that she was OK and didn’t want you checking, then you MUST respect her space.
As much as it hurts, know that when one door closes, another opens, and start to make space for new friendships and experiences. Also, try to manage your anxiety with the help of a therapist instead of reacting and jumping to assumptions about worse-case scenarios. Best of luck to you.