How to give up smoking weed (or other toxic habits you’re tired of)

I’d smoked weed and cigarettes for 27 years before I finally made up my mind to give them up. I figured I’d have no problems quitting on my own - now that I was ready.

I was so wrong.

Instead, I tried and relapsed repeatedly before I finally kicked my bad habits for good 20 years ago.

Here are some of the lessons I learned:

1. Quitting on New Year’s doesn’t make it easier

Holidays and birthdays are actually not good times to begin transformations, post your pledges on Instagram and TikTok, or go Facebook official. Many people who make Jan. 1 resolutions give them up by the end of the month - and experts say that’s because the days around the public celebrations are fraught with emotional and unrealistic expectations.

Announcing your intentions on social media can ramp up the pressure and can set you up for failure. So maybe pick a different time? After years of trial and error, I had luck quitting on Sunday, Oct. 7, 2001, a random date that fit my schedule and which I now commemorate as my own personal V-Day.

2. Shuffling substances can add new obstacles

Upon quitting one bad habit, it’s common to pick up another one to replace it. When I nixed cigarettes, I found myself smoking a joint every night. When I gave up pot, I began drinking way too much. When I decided to go alcohol-free, I reached for sugar and packed on pounds, which made me more desperate for a cigarette, a known appetite suppressant. But I was determined to remain a nonsmoker. It took time for me to realized I had to stop looking for another fix and learn to sit still and grappling with the underlying discomfort that I’d been using substances to avoid.

“Underlying every substance problem I’ve ever seen is a deep depression that feels unbearable,” said Frederick Woolverton, a psychologist I went to who specializes in addiction. “It’s not, but you might not feel that way.”

3. Stop looking for “The One” solution

Rehabilitation centers can be safe places to dry out, some former drug users were helped by anti-depressants, and I know cigarette fiends who swear by Allan Carr’s book “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking.” Yet I found a single method was not enough to combat a long-term compulsion. So I adopted a combination, which experts say can be most helpful. What worked for my particularly addictive personality was an all-out assault: nicotine patches, weekly talk therapy, a daily exercise routine and a string of behavioral changes that included avoiding bars and parties and with drinkers and smokers. Creating your own multitiered plan might bring more success.

4. Don’t assume groups are best

While 12-step programs and rehabs facilities filled with available staff members are often considered the gold standard in treatment, they’re not for everyone. Since I was prone to gain weight after giving up tobacco and had to watch my caffeine intake (lest I become anxious from drinking a dozen diet sodas a day), I personally couldn’t handle the free AA and Marijuana Anonymous meetings where many members smoked outside, ate the provided doughnuts and guzzled coffee and soda. I found my weekly one-to-one sessions with a substance abuse specialist much more effective, although I had to pay out of pocket, which many people cannot afford.

5. Treatment can be more affordable than you think

The $125 fee my substance abuse specialist charged for each 50-minute session seemed astronomical, especially since he wanted me to commit to seeing him for a year. Until I counted what I was saving by not buying two daily packs of cigarettes (an annual $10,000 a year in today’s prices), marijuana and alcohol. Not to mention the subsequent medical fees I’d be stuck with from scary smoking-related illnesses. In the end, my health insurance covered some of my outlays for therapy and I wound up publishing several books on how to take on addictions (one with my former therapist).

6. You may not be able to do it alone

Some people can go “cold turkey” and just quit. But for many, that is much harder than it sounds, if not impossible. I’m grateful I relied on a handful of “core pillars” which included my therapist, relatives and colleagues who were also smoke-free and sober, and an encouraging spouse (who was addicted only to me).

7. Don’t count on support from everyone in your life

Unfortunately, your abstinence might hold up a mirror to similar habits others have and they may resent you. Sometimes, my friends and family members pushed me to join them for a drink, or smoke, or “just” a gummy or brownies. Or complained that I was “too intense” after I quit. To avoid succumbing to peer pressure, I socialized less and spent more time with those who were sensitive to the changes I was making. Instead of going out to dinner or bars where I’d be tempted, I’d do walking-talking office hours and dates with sober comrades and students where I felt accomplished that I’d also completed my 10,000 steps a day.

8. You’re never completely recovered

Most users never finish the process of abstaining. If you let your guard down, it can be easy to slip back into your former destructive habits. During the pandemic, I started eating big bowls of popcorn while binge-watching TV shows, and later was surprised to find I’d gained 25 pounds. So 17 years after I’d quit smoking and drinking, I was still unwittingly replacing one addiction with another. Giving up popcorn, I lost the weight. I also realized I might never be able to quit quitting and needed to stay vigilant to avoid other unhealthy dependencies. That meant journaling daily while adhering to a moderate eat, sleep, exercise and work routine. And although I stopped weekly therapy long ago, I go back for emergency phone sessions when needed.

9. Don’t expect instant happiness

You will be better off on every level for quitting. What helped me most psychologically was having low expectations and giving up on the idea of immediate relief. In truth, I felt like hell for an entire year after quitting pot, cigarettes and alcohol. But part of my healing process was discovering ways to delay gratification and learn how to “suffer well,” as my therapist put it. It led to increased patience and success in my career and relationships, too. When I gave up toxic habits I had room for something more beautiful to take their place.

The SAMHSA National Helpline offers confidential free help from public health agencies and to find substance use treatment and information. Call 800-662-4357.

Susan Shapiro is the author of “Lighting Up: How I Stopped Smoking, Drinking, and Everything Else I Loved in Life Except Sex”and co-author with Frederick Woolverton of “Unhooked: How to Quit Anything.”