Dear Annie: I feel unappreciated by my grandkids. Should I stop giving them gifts?

Dear Annie: I’m conflicted, just as I am sure many grandparents are in my situation. I have one child, a son, who is married with four children, my grandchildren. In spite of poor health, I have been a hands-on grandmother, taking them on trips, paying one’s way to Hawaii as a graduation gift, etc.

The only time I hear from these kids is if there is a fundraiser and they want a donation. I give birthday money and Christmas gifts. I never get a response or a thank you. My question is, should I continue giving under these circumstances or stop altogether any gift giving?

This is very difficult for me, as I love these kids very much.

-- Feeling Unappreciated

Dear Unappreciated: No one likes to feel used or like their presents were not appreciated. Speak with your son about asking his kids to say thank you once in a while to their grandmother. It will serve them well in life to learn the value of showing appreciation when someone does something kind for you.

You definitely should not cut them off. Do you only give to get a thank you, or does it feel good to give? Have you enjoyed the trips with your grandkids? Don’t let the bad manners of your grandkids make you and them miss out on quality family vacations. That is time you can’t get back. You can look at their mistakes as teaching moments.

• • •

Dear Annie: My 11-year-old niece is a wonderful young lady. She’s respectful, full of love and just a great kid.


Since Covid, she has been dealing with some anxiety that she did not have pre-pandemic. Her parents, my sister-in-law and brother, are addressing these issues with her doctor. She’s adjusting.

Their neighbor has a daughter the same age, and the two were once friends, but they have grown apart. The other girl was bullying my niece (calling her names because of her size), so it was decided the two should no longer speak to one another because of the way the relationship had evolved.

The mother of the other girl took this “lost relationship” to heart. My niece can no longer walk past the neighbor’s home without this woman berating her to the point of tears and total fear. The police have been called twice to quell the situation but have not done a thing to stop this woman.

Any suggestions? There is no talking to her. She’s a bully at its finest. -

- Bullying a Kid

Dear Bullying a Kid: What a witch! It is horrible to think that an adult could be so cruel to an 11-year-old girl. You have stuck up to the bully, and you have notified the police. If you want, you can use your iPhone camera to record her in the act.

When speaking to your daughter, remind her that the way someone treats you says a lot more about them than it does about you. At this point, you might need to file a restraining order against this adult woman.

Annie Lane

Annie Lane offers common-sense solutions to everyday problems. She's firm, funny and sympathetic, echoing the style of her biggest inspiration, Ann Landers. She lives outside Manhattan with her husband, two kids and two dogs. When not writing, she devotes her time to play dates and Play-Doh. Write her: