My high-paying, high-stress job is ruining my life

Question:

I hate my job. Because I work 80 hours weekly, my home life has become a joke. Exercise, what’s that? Sleep — I can’t afford the time.

I started my career as a certified financial planner, became a broker, then landed a job with one of the country’s top wealth management companies. Since they’re national, they allowed me to relocate to Anchorage during the pandemic to serve their high-income clients here. Since I work in an industry ruled by compliance issues, the stress is sky-high.

The problem? I can’t find a job, even at the big brokerage houses, that will offer me anything close to what I’m earning. As a wealth strategist, my salary, bonuses and other perks are off the chart. Meanwhile, continuing down this path destroys everything else in my life.

I’m trapped in this job. My teens are starting college, and my wife loves our lifestyle and says I’m having a midlife crisis when I talk about quitting. Also, my bonuses are partially deferred; if I walk away, I lose what I’ve already earned. I’ve read your column for years and don’t know if you have an answer for me.

Answer:

You marched your career forward to a level of success and built a life dependent on a high salary from a job that sucks the life out of you. You need to make a 180-degree turn or pay the price.

The good news? You have all the skills you need to figure this out. You’ve spent years honing your financial analysis and people interaction skills. Use them. They can be the key you need to unlock your golden handcuffs. Remember, your current career success hasn’t been by chance; you’ve moved strategically up the career ladder and now need to move sideways.

Ask yourself: How much money do you and your family really need? Where can you cut back? You might discover you now spend substantial amounts of money related to your current job, from clothing to the spending you do to “numb” yourself to the stress you suffer. Might your kids apply for merit scholarships to reduce the money you’ll need for their college? Because finding a new job may take some time, and might offer a significantly lower salary, you’ll want to build an emergency fund.

I challenge your belief that you can’t find a viable job offering a livable salary. You offer many skills to a new employer. Schedule some personal time and map out your people and financial analytical skills in detail. Then, put your analytical skills into finding work where you can use your skills outside the narrow wealth management industry that locks you into jobs with sky-high-level stress.

Spend some time imagining the life you want. Avoid “I want to run away and join the circus” fantasies and aim for “I’m willing to work hard 50 hours weekly so I have time for my family and life.” A realistic vision makes you marketable to a prospective employer. Don’t skip this step, as it’s easier to break away from golden handcuffs if you imagine a future that “pulls” you forward.

Next, take back your life. Scale back how many hours you work so you can add at least 15 minutes of exercise and 30 minutes of sleep back into your daily life. By denying yourself both, you’ve let yourself run down to the point where you’re physically and mentally less able to make changes you need. You might even consider negotiating a scaled-back work life with your current employer. If they value you, they might agree to your working four 10-hour days rather than lose you altogether.

Finally, you only have one life. Health and happiness matter more than money.