Friday is Alaska Day, and since darned few residents of the other 49 states will be commemorating the occasion, the burden of celebration falls directly on the shoulders of Alaska's 731,000 residents. Don't wilt at the prospect. We're here to help, with a few ideas on how to appropriately mark Alaska Day, which marks the anniversary of the formal transfer of the territory from Russia to the United States at Sitka in 1867.
Lucky us. Otherwise, we'd all be Siberians, who, last we checked, aren't getting any Permanent Fund checks.
1) Use your PFD to take your 10 best friends to a bar.
2) Start every sentence with, "Well, I've lived here 40 years and....''
3) Illegally stock some northern pike in a pike-free lake.
4) Shoot a road sign -- you know the feds finance them.
5) Picket the federal building.
6) Find as many examples of federal overreach as you can (call Gov. Sean Parnell if you run short).
7) Tell someone you don't give a damn how they do it Outside.
8) Celebrate in the knowledge that most states don't have their own day. Yes, there's Rhode Island Day, But Idaho Day?
9) Take some pride in knowing that residents of most states don't know the lyrics to the state song or the design of the state flag. At least a few Alaskans do.
10) Call your realtor and attempt to purchase an enormous parcel of land for an unreasonably small amount of money.
Alaska Dispatch Publishing