Powerful Joe and Eat-em-up Frank
put all their gold in the Snake River Bank
knowing full well it was managed by thieves
who had every intent to leave miners to grieve
when all clumps of doré', nuggets and dust
vanished south in September in the outbound rush.
One might wonder why two men of the earth
would deposit their gold in a bank with no worth,
managed by those with the ethics of snakes
and were always intent on the lure of the make
to sequester that which someone else owned
and run south with the cash from those they had boned.
But Powerful Joe and Eat-em-up Frank
had a devious plan which they had planned to prank,
a scheme they had nurtured for many a year
since the days when Nome had been up to its ears
in stampeders and cons, cardsharps and men
who ran the saloons and the brothels and when
they had bags of gold, nuggets and dust
with no place to secure them and try as they must
it was dangerous to walk the streets loaded with ore
for there were men who would kill as part of the chore
to eat during winter when food prices were high
with no hopes of a dimming ‘til the June tide.
In the boom days of summer, when steamships came in,
Powerful Joe had the foresight to bring
lumber in board feet and convert it with nails
to brothels and stores, saloons and skid trails,
to keep the city supplied with foodstuff and booze
from June to September, when no one would snooze.
Land was not cheap, so the city built up,
floor upon floor, like the piling of cups
with a sturdy foundation sunk into the sod
so the structures would shift only when God
would make the earth shake on mankind’s last day,
and all would be gone, in one of two ways.
Eat-em-up Frank was the man with the plan
to design all the buildings on permafrost land,
be they banks or saloons, brothels or stores
which sold general goods, coal and what’s more,
he left room for the alleys and privy back doors
to dump their residue onto Norton Sound shores.
As Powerful Joe and Eat-em-up Frank
knew all of the cons and disreputable banks,
it was odd, the local folks said,
to deposit their gold in a bank underfed
with trust that one day would abscond with the cash
leaving nothing in Nome but a bank vault of trash.
As all had predicted, that day came at last,
when the board of directors left with the cash
on the last ship at the end of the season
slipping aboard for a very good reason
with burlap bags stuffed with all they could hold
doré, nuggets and pouches of gold.
And how odd it was, without saying thanks,
Powerful Joe and Eat-em-up Frank
had left on a steamer the previous week
without saying ‘goodbye’ and proceeded to sneak
aboard the outgoing ship with a suitcase apiece
to follow the path of south flying geese.
Then the next June, when the Norton Sound broke
its cover of ice that anyone spoke
of the scam that had sent the two men heading south
and the tale of their scam was recounted by mouth
how Powerful Joe and Eat-em-up-Frank
has duped the board of directors of the Snake River Bank.
Both the men had been watching the town
lose population and knew it was down
to the few who still dreamed so it was time
to flee south on a ship with more than a dime
and abscond with the Snake River Bank gold
leaving the bank unaware its booty been stole.
Powerful Joe and Eat-em-up Frank
had been the men who constructed the bank.
They had planned to leave Nome with no travail,
so they left a plank in the vault lacking its nails
and replaced all the gold in the burlap bags
with stones and then southward did shag.
It was not known when the Snake River Bank
board of directors discovered the prank.
But it was learned from the news from the south
and the story spread from newspaper to mouth
how Powerful Joe and Eat-em-up Frank
had scammed all the scammers of the Snake River Bank.
— Steve Levi
Anchorage
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