Alaska Ear: Good news, bad news

GOOD NEWS, BAD NEWS . . . Yes, "The Frozen Ground" is opening Friday in Alaska and 10 other cities.

No, we won't be able to see it in Anchorage. Apparently the only place it will play in Southcentral is the Valley Cinema in -- wait for it -- Wasilla.

This information comes from both Ron Holmstrom, Master of all Things Theatrical, and Erik Moore, Valley Cinema general manager.

Despite the array of Alaska "stars" appearing in the movie, no special opening-night festivities are planned, Moore said. Ear tried to talk him into a dress-up, red carpet event -- the theater even has a beer and wine license -- but no go.

Ron thinks advance tickets may be available online so check the theater's website starting Tuesday. Otherwise, it's show up and hope you can get in.

Valley Cinema is right next to Walmart.

Of course it is.

DISSED . . . Again. Remember that nastygram Capt. Zero fired at his Lite Gov last year? Earwigs report the Parnell peeve against Mead Treadwell continues to show, even in public.

Perhaps you heard about the Federal Overreach Summit meeting last week -- yet another whinefest where Alaskans demand the feds send us more money than we're entitled to and let us fritter it away any way we please.

Gluttons for punishment who actually attended report that a special reserved seat VIP section was provided for administration and legislative attendees -- but there was no seat for Mead. And when all the nobs got introduced and recognized, they didn't bother introducing the No. 2 man in the state.

Oversight at the Overreach? Maybe.

FLYING FACTOID . . . An earwig reports the house that serial killer Israel Keyes lived in has been purchased by a local prosecutor.

LOCATED . . . Dan Fagan, the Anchorage radio-mouth who mysteriously vanished from Alaska earlier this year, is apparently doing a radio show that airs in New Orleans and part of Mississippi. No, Ear doesn't know what happened to the Texas thing.

Our condolences to New Orleans.

ON THE MOVE . . . Anchorage Press Editor Victoria Barber is moving to the Daily News next month to become features editor. This is good. "Features" is often code for stories about local people who haven't been elected, arrested or killed. You know, people like us.

Victoria recently wrote a headline for a Press story that read: "What Salmon Eyes Taste Like." Ear loved it. (The headline, not fish eyes.)

DO AS YOU'RE TOLD . . . OK, so Rep. Les Gara was up in Fairbanks last week, rushing to the airport to make a plane. The voice on his map app gave directions for the shortest route -- you know how they do: "Turn left in 500 feet, go 5/16ths of a mile, turn right ..." And so on.

The directions took Les, who's been in Fairbanks many times, along unfamiliar roads. "I figured it was a shortcut," he told Ear.

He was correct. The app voice directed him onto the runway of the small plane airport, which really was the fastest way to get to the big plane he had a ticket for.

"I made an executive decision not to drive down the runway," Les said. He did make his plane, but just.

RESULT . . . That "virtual fundraiser" experiment Ear reported on last week raised $5,500 for legislative candidate Clare Ross. Guess we can declare the experiment a success.

KUDOS . . . to local CSI Lesley Hammer, who just took over as president of the International Association for Identification. This is one of those innocuous-sounding organizations that regular people never hear about but it's really important. It has 7,000 members around the world -- most of them forensic scientists.

These are the guys who keep an eye on the qualifications of those fingerprint, shoe print and DNA experts who testify in court. IAI is currently working with the Department of Justice, creating a National Commission on Forensic Science, an effort to establish actual standards and to keep voodoo science out of courtrooms.

Hint: They can't really do all that stuff they do on TV.

MOW MOW . . . Garden guru Jeff Lowenfels wants us all to fancy-mow our lawns -- really.

Jeff mows his lawn in patterns and thinks we all should. This apparently came to the attention of the John Deere people, who are sending a photographer to Anchorage Labor Day weekend to do a story for their company magazine. So mow your lawn in circles, checks, diagonals, ovals, herringbone -- herringbone?

Anyhow, email Jeff so you can get your picture taken.

Compiled by Sheila Toomey Message Sheila at or 257-4341.