When a business trip goes bad: Mixing work and leisure

Q: I run a fast-growing venture development company and depend on a team of hard-charging managers who develop new business opportunities. All are hard-headed type-A personalities.

They regularly travel together on business in teams of two, three and four. When traveling, they go out to dinner together and continue business discussions. Recently, there's been tension on the team. One manager, although married, meets women and brings them to dinners. This complicates talking shop.

When others complained, this manager told them that work needed to end at six and they needed to lighten up. It also appears obvious that this manager invites these women to his room afterward.

How do we handle this? Is it any of my business? Do I need to investigate?

A: According to former employment attorney turned HR consultant Rick Birdsall, "When your team hits the road, their off-hours socializing achieves multiple business purposes including team connectedness and cross-pollination of information. Your manager fractures these team dynamics by introducing unknown third parties into the process."

If your team continues their business discussions during dinners and you pay for their meals, these dinners may constitute an extension of the work day. As an employer, you thus have partial responsibility for what happens during the dinners, even though they're conducted after 6 p.m. This means you need to investigate questions such as whether the manager's conduct that makes it "obvious" he invites women to his room creates a sexually hostile environment for others. At the same time, this manager may have a reasonable expectation of privacy for what happens when he's off-duty at night in his hotel room.

Birdsall adds, "Your manager risks losing the other team members' respect and may have already done so. You can translate 'lighten up' as 'accept my behavior.' " But they're not buying what he's selling. You need to consider whether this manager's behavior fits want you want from a leader in your company."

Also, if your other team members want to talk shop after six, but can't without risking your manager's guests learning about your team's plans and strategies, what does "lighten up" cost in team morale or opportunities?

In addition to investigating, you need to define your expectations for what happens on the road. Employees and managers have the right to privacy and freedom of off-the-job associations, but what happens on the employer's dime generally winds up an employer issue.

Q: Before she speaks concerning work I've presented in staff meetings, a passive-aggressive co-worker invariably prefaces her comments with "I don't want to be mean, but" and then gives her opinion. Although I rarely agree with her, I'm comfortable with any criticism she dishes out as it's her viewpoint. The problem I have is that she gives her comments with so many pauses and hesitation that she leaves the feeling that she has more serious criticism she's holding back and this casts a dark cloud over my work. Why does she do this? And how do I get her to cut it out?

A: If her actions are passive aggressive, she may feel that she voices negativity more powerfully by acting as if there's so much more she'd say but you couldn't handle it. In that case, you can generally translate "I don't want to be mean, but…" as in fact mean-spirited.

On the other hand, she may honestly not want to be mean, or at least not want to be seen as mean.

The next time she says this, say, "PLEASE give it to me straight. Be as direct as you want to be. I can take it. It's unfair to you, and to me, for you to hold back valid criticism."

After she finishes giving her opinion, ask, "Is there anything else you're holding back from saying? I'd like to hear it." She'll either say "no" or "yes." If she won't answer or says "yes" but still won't voice her concerns, the rest of the team can draw their own conclusion.