Dear Annie: I don’t want to lose my friend, but I don’t want to betray my husband

Dear Annie: I’m in quite the pickle and need your guidance. My husband, “Peter,” and I have been married for eight years, and while our relationship has always been strong, I’ve recently found myself in an unexpected situation. About six months ago, my old college friend, “Scott,” moved back to town. We were close back then, and catching up with him has been wonderful. The problem is, sparks have flown between us in a way I didn’t expect.

Scott is charming, funny, and reminds me of a time when life felt simpler and more exciting. We’ve started meeting up for coffee and the occasional lunch, but it’s clear there’s a deeper connection forming. I haven’t crossed any physical boundaries, but emotionally, I feel torn. I love Peter deeply and don’t want to hurt him, but the feelings I have for Scott are confusing and strong.

Peter hasn’t noticed anything, but I feel guilty and anxious all the time. I don’t want to end my marriage, but I also can’t seem to let go of these feelings for Scott. Is it possible to have feelings for two people at once? How do I navigate this without causing a disaster? I don’t want to lose my friend, but I also don’t want to betray my husband. Please help me figure out what to do before this situation spirals out of control.

-- Conflicted in Colorado

Dear Conflicted: Emotional affairs can be just as damaging as physical ones, and your guilt is a clear sign. You’re playing with fire every minute you continue flirting and rekindling a connection with Scott. Remember, infatuation can be temporary. The commitment you made to your husband is not.

• • •

Dear Annie: I’m in a bind with my best friend, “Serena.” Her boyfriend, “Kyle,” has been flirting with me for months, and last weekend, he cornered me at a party and confessed he has feelings for me. He even tried to kiss me.

I haven’t told Serena because she thinks Kyle is the one, and I can’t bear to break her heart. Meanwhile, Kyle keeps texting me, begging to talk. I’m torn between loyalty to my best friend and the thrill of Kyle’s attention. Should I tell Serena and risk our friendship, or confront Kyle and hope it blows over?


-- Torn Between Love and Friendship

Dear Torn: It’s time to spill the beans to Serena about Kyle. Loyalty to a friend should always come first -- no ifs, ands or buts. It might be awkward, but if Serena really pictured a future with this joker, you’ll be doing her a huge favor.

Annie Lane

Annie Lane offers common-sense solutions to everyday problems. She's firm, funny and sympathetic, echoing the style of her biggest inspiration, Ann Landers. She lives outside Manhattan with her husband, two kids and two dogs. When not writing, she devotes her time to play dates and Play-Doh. Write her: